Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
