So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
