Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
