I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
