I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
