where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
