words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize