I am puke
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
