do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
