There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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