I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
