Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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