Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
