Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize