Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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