Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
