im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
