I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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