just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
