dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just googled if crying burns calories
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
