Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
