I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
