just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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