I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
