Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
