Umm I'm too high to move.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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