my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
