I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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