I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
