You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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