just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
