My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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