you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
