I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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