I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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