Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We have started to decorate penises.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
