Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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