If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
