He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize