I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
