You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
