whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
