Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
