i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
how drunk are you?
Several
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize