Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
