I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
