I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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