thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
