But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize