The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
