it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
