I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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