from now on my penis is your penis
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I need a beard to bite.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
