Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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