How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
