Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
