Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
