Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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