Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
