I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
