So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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