you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
