3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
