I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
