I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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