tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
