why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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