Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
