just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
