He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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