I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
