I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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