dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
