Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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