Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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