It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
