im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
