Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
