I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
