Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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