I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
