Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize