can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
