We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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