If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
