Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
