Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Drunk is not a location!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
