Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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