Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
