I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
