He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
