Are we in a gay sports bar?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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