They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize