Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
