I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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