I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
