Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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