....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
