No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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