He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
