They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
