What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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