My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
