honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
