She is in my trunk
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
