Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
