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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I should be sponsored by Trojan
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
