May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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