How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
