"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
